Comments on: PokéJungle’s Next Top Model: Week 2

By: Dan

Dan — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 18:36:02 +0000

In reply to briant.

Great feedback guys, thank you! 🙂

Totally understand the confusion around the fashion interpretation versus the performance, you guys are absolutely correct this is not a dance competition lol however the Dancer’s dance is merely my personal interpretation of the personality in which I perceieve the Dancer to have – however, I will definately take this feedback on board and use it to make the next runway more simple 🙂

STAY FIERCE GUYS!

By: Happy

Happy — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 08:37:24 +0000

In reply to Daedardus.

Like all tools it depends on whether they’re being used right! If, say, I were to take the first big run-on sentence from this piece, and throw some semicolons in (plus minor edits for flow):

“Dancer flops backward onto his back, kicking the floor with his left foot, his body spinning on the ground; raising himself up again on his hands, he kicks out his right leg, his body sinking toward the ground; and he brings his leg back in and simultaneously repeats the action with his left leg, using his palms as he tilts from side to side with each kick out.”

I actually agree with you in this case, in that I would’ve preferred to use a full stop the second time, but I went semicolons all the way just to show they already make a difference. 😛 Of course if you still disagree that’s fine too.
And Dan! I hope I didn’t sound discouraging! If I didn’t have confidence in your work, I wouldn’t have blabbed so much. 🙂 Keep on writing.

By: Daedardus

Daedardus — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 07:29:56 +0000

In reply to Happy. Semicolons make long sentences only more messy. If it's really too long, splitting it up is the best option.

By: Happy

Happy — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 04:12:03 +0000

From a writing perspective, I feel it’s anticonductive to describe the dancer’s actions in that much detail – I’m not following the exact movements, and while it certainly informs us what’s happening, it doesn’t quite… evoke the awe you’re looking for? If I recall correctly, prose regarding dancers tends to lean towards use of metaphors – whirlwinds, etc – which carry the sentiment of the performance, while not needing to describe it so minutely. We have, after all, seen dancers before. 🙂
Moreover, your sentences are by far running on too much – I wouldn’t recommend using more than one or two commas when your sentence’s components are as long as this. Semicolons are useful. 🙂
But this is a fantastic idea for a fun column and I do look forward to the coming installments. It seems we are misinterpreting the competition though. 😀 Regarding the character’s battling strategy you brought up in the footer, anyone who doesn’t fervently glue themselves to some tired gimmick – cough, parasol lady – is kosher in my book. 😛 Also, everyone shooting down dreadlocks can fight me.

By: CHEESYNACHOS

CHEESYNACHOS — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 20:04:37 +0000

This isn’t a dance contest. That hair style is not what we’re looking for and his clothes are not at all stylish. If it was a dance contest then it would be a yes, but fashion wise it’s a…
NOT

By: briant

briant — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 03:22:40 +0000

In reply to Ditwa.

We only hate on him because we love him….JK…Have you seen wat he’s wearing!? Besides its a fashion show not a dance tournament. Cuz if it was he would have won.

By: Ditwa

Ditwa — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 03:14:46 +0000

Yes and they don’t make any sense either lol, sounds as fake as a flying dugtrio on Uranus.

And why so much hate for the dancer, Y??!!??!!

By: Sammydodger

Sammydodger — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 00:56:03 +0000

It’s difficult to judge because I loved the performance. The head spin and fire spin was particularly standout. However as stated above this is not a dancing competition. Unfortunately his clothes just don’t make the cut. While he may have the skills and the attitude, on the other hand he has bad colour choices on clothes which are too baggy for a dancer. So I’m afraid it’s a NOT from me.

By: butsukoy

butsukoy — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 23:09:42 +0000

What is this? So You Think You Can Dance?

NOT

By: briant

briant — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 21:27:11 +0000

U r Not! Sorry Dancer but you should’ve looked at yourself in the mirror before coming here and asked, “Can I win with these clothes?” Besides, dreadlocks are sooo 5 years ago.